Our Mission Begins at the Dinner Table

When I was growing up, dinnertime was always at 6:00 pm. Participation was not optional. No matter what was happening, what time of year, if it was a typical Wednesday or Christmas Day, my brother, sister and I were expected to show up at the dinner table at 6:00 sharp. Dinner was where we learned that our presence mattered. It is where we learned how to be in a relationship with each other as a community, as a family. Dinner is what taught us that we belonged, that we had a literal place at the table. Our absence was also felt, and we knew we were missed when we were not there.
 
Years later, in graduate school, I studied with Sharon Parks, a renowned theologian and educator from Seattle, Washington. She and her husband had conducted a study of individuals across the U.S. who demonstrated a commitment to the common good. The group included teachers, organizers, non-profit founders and clergy. In her research, she tried to identify a common experience or trait that all her subjects shared that might begin to explain their commitment to service and participation in bettering their local communities. She considered various factors such as education, faith, birth order, and parenting. Surprisingly, the only common experience that all shared was their experience at the family dinner table.

 Dr. Parks then turned her attention to the impact of this shared experience. She concluded that the family dinner table is where people learn belonging. They learn that they matter and their presence (or absence) impacts those around them. They also learn that they can affect the world. They learn to participate by sharing their ideas, and their input changes the course of conversation and choices made by those around them. In short, they realize that through participation, they could change the world around them, and the experience also changed them. They were agents, not just subjects.
 
The Synod on SyDr. Robert Choiniere is the Executive Director of Ignatian Encounter Ministrynodality, called by Pope Francis in 2021, has Communion, Participation, and Mission as its theme. The same insights surrounding the family dinner table ground the progression of these themes, too. Communion leads to Participation, which leads to Mission. The result is a unified and mobilized body of disciples rooted in a sense of belonging, confident in their ability to make a difference, and engaged in the lives of others to enhance the common good and serve those most in need. In short, the fruit of synodality is missionary discipleship.
 
The journey towards missionary discipleship begins with communion. In our Catholic tradition, the family dinner table finds its spiritual counterpart in the Eucharistic table. We often say that all are welcome, without exceptions, to gather around this table. In this sacramental action, we are invited into union with the God who called us into being. We belong to this family of humanity, to all who have also been called. We are connected to each other and to God through this invitation and communion.
 
Through communion, we are invited to participate. Participation is more than attendance, though. It is active. When we were called to dinner, more was expected of us than just to attend the dinner. We were expected to participate. Sometimes, that meant setting the table, passing the dishes, and clearing the plates, but this also meant listening to what others were sharing, offering your thoughts, and sharing about your own day. Simple attendance does not lead to deep engagement of others or create the possibility of being changed by that engagement. It is a passive reception. Participation means getting involved, helping out, and giving of yourself. When that happens, you learn that your actions make a difference, more than belonging; you are now impacting, leaving others changed by your presence. Now, you are part of something; without you, something is missing.  
 
When this sense of agency is embraced, you recognize that when you push on the world, the world responds, and then you have a choice. How do you want to affect the world? What difference do you want to make? You could complain and gripe, find fault, tear down and abuse those around you, or you could use your new-found agency to lift up, heal, include and improve the lives of those you touch. The mission that we are about is a call to recognize that we can make a difference through our participation and to make that difference by giving life to others, not by defeating. We can work for a greater good than just us because we recognize that our life is not just about us. We participate in the Church and world more significantly than we can imagine. We belong to this world, and our actions make a difference, positively or negatively.  
 
As Christians, we are called into communion around the table of God, challenged to embrace our participation as agents who can make a difference. We are incorporated into the compassionate mission of Christ to use our agency to make a positive change in the lives of others. In this way, we become reflections of the God who is relying on us, trusting and believing in us, to claim our powerful place as participants in the great work of God’s dreaming. It all begins by coming to the table, taking our place, and giving our very selves as gifts to the world.
 
When it comes to parish life, many people attend Mass and may wonder why they do not feel transformed or changed, but attendance alone does not lead to much transformation. It is magical to think that simple proximity is all needed to effect religious conversion. The step from attendance to participation is required to engage the heart and soul in true discipleship. Just as strangers can only become friends by engagement, God can only enter our lives when we open ourselves and offer our gifts to others, especially those in need. St. Vincent de Paul once said, “May the poor forgive me the bread I must give them.”
 
St. Vincent recognized that charitable giving could sometimes put us outside our comfort zone. It can be an awkward exchange, but such generous action, getting our hands into the work and genuinely participating, is necessary for salvation and authentic discipleship. Participation requires some vulnerability, but it is only by taking a step to active participation that the most profound truths of the Christian faith can take hold. Only by pouring ourselves out in generosity, like Jesus, can we know what it means to be truly filled. This is the paradox of participation that the mind alone cannot grasp. It can never be known by remaining only a passive recipient of services. Christianity is a faith that must be lived to be understood. Once experienced, a disciple becomes a living witness to the transformative power of participation in the dream and mission of God, who calls each of us to show up to the table and, once there, offer ourselves as a gift to others.